Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

Facts, Fiction, and Foolishness 

Here are some excerpts from two books entitled Humor in the Court and More Humor in the Court. The books are collections of courtroom bloopers that were compiled by the National Court Reporters Association.  We very happily share this great material. 

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name? 
A. Borofkin. 

Q. What is his first name? 
A. I can't remember. 

Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name? 
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!! 

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Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? 
A. I refuse to answer that question. 

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? 
A. I refuse to answer that question. 

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? 
A. No. 

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Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? 
A. No. I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

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Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? 
A. By death. 

Q. And by whose death was it terminated? 

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Q. What is your name? 
A. Ernestine McDowell. 

Q. And what is your marital status? 
A. Fair. 

Q. Are you married? 
A. No, I'm divorced. 

Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? 
A. A lot of things I didn't know about. 

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Q. And who is this person you are speaking of? 
A. My ex-widow said it. 

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Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable? 
A. I should be. 

Q. How many times have you committed suicide? 
A. Four times. 

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Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people. 

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Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? 
A. No. 

Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? 
A. Picking them up in the air. 

Q. Where was the dog at this time? 
A. Attached to the ears. 

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Q. Did you tell your lawyer your husband had offered you indignities? 
A. He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture. 

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Q. The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas? 
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. 

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Q: Are you sexually active? 
A: No, I just lie there. 

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Courtesy of The Freeman Institute