Classic Church Bulletin Bloopers

Courtesy of
The Freeman Institute

* The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

* Evening massage - 6 pm.

* The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

* The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

* Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

* Usher will eat latecomers.

* The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical accomplishment.

* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility

* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

* Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Everyone come for a fun time.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water.. "The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our bell choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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The Freeman Institute™ Box 305, Gambrills, MD 21054
TEL 410-729-7800     FAX 410-729-0353

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

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