Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

Specify that your drive through order is "to go."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information on scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.

When nearly done, announce, "No wait, I messed it up" and repeat.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

      And last but not least,

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ...'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here."