APPLICATION   FOR  PERMISSION
TO  DATE  MY  DAUGHTER

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

  1. NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
  2. HEIGHT:___________  WEIGHT:____________   I.Q.__________  GPA____________
  3. SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
    DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
    BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
  4. HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
    CITY/STATE_________________________________________  ZIP_________________
  5. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?     _______ yes?  _______ no?
  6. Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
  7. Do you own a van? _________  A truck with oversized tires? __________
    A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
    (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
  8. In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
  9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
  10. _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________

  11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?  _________________________________________________________________________
  12. _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________

  13. Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
    How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
  14. When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________

  15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)

 

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.

 

____________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOTE: A copy of this application was given to me by a waitress (can't remember her name) at a restaurant
(can't remember it either) in Nashville. I merely added and deleted a few things.

 

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"Dealing  With  People  Who  Drive  You  Crazy!"®
The Freeman Institute™ 1103 Burkhardt Lane, Severn, Maryland 21144
TEL 410-729-4011   CELL 410-991-9718   FAX 410-729-0353
EMAIL info@freemaninstitute.com

 

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

 

 

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