Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background
check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
 

1. NAME:_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:____________________
    
2. HEIGHT:___________  WEIGHT:____________   I.Q.__________  GPA____________
    
3. SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
   
   DRIVERS LICENSE#___________________________ BOY SCOUT RANK:______________
    
4. HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
   
   CITY/STATE_________________________________________  ZIP_________________
    
5. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?    yes? _______  no? ________
    
6. Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    
7. Do you own a van? _________  A truck with oversized tires? ______________
   
   A waterbed? _________ Tattoo? ____________ Wear your pants low? _________
   
   Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring? _______________________
   
   (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)

 
8. In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU?
    ________________________________________________________________________
   
   _________________________________________________________________________
    
9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________
 

10. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?  _________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________
 

11. Congregation you attend:_________________________________________________
    
    How often do you attend?_________________________________________________

When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers) __________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________
 

12. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is
   
    ________________________________________________________________________
    
2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________
   
    _________________________________________________________________________
    
3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
    
4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________
   
    _________________________________________________________________________
    
5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________
   
    _________________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, "SOLDIER ANT" TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, AND ELECTROCUTION.

___________________________________________   ________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)          Date

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and "one-size-fits-all" cement shoes will notify you.

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NOTE: A copy of this application was given to me by a waitress
(can't remember her name) at a restaurant (can't remember it either) in Nashville.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joel Freeman's Latest Book Wanna see some more funny stuff? Click Here   "Dealing  With  People  Who  Drive  You  Crazy!"® The Freeman Institute™ 1103 Burkhardt Lane, Severn, Maryland 21144 TEL 410-729-4011   CELL 410-991-9718   FAX 410-729-0353 EMAIL info@freemaninstitute.com   Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

The Freeman Institute
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